POWER OF CHECKING IN
by: Gunjan Khorgade
“How are you?” “Are you okay?” “I am here for you, you can talk.”
How do we feel if someone asks us how we are doing? Even if someone cannot help us in that particular situation, we still feel good and validated. We feel belonged and loved.
What comes to your mind when we talk about checking in? Checking in can be understood in many different ways. It can start from a small gesture, by simply asking your friends, peers and loved ones about how they are doing.
As we all know, this COVID-19 pandemic has caused widespread orders to maintain physical distancing. Now, millions of people are confined to their houses and that has resulted in increasing episodes of anxiety. Staying inside and isolation can result in serious mental health concerns. The uncertainty of the pandemic has impacted many people emotionally. Apart from the fear of being infected, other issues such as relationship problems, family conflicts, addiction, might affect the person in this situation.
If we look at this situation, many things are not in our hands. So, the least we can do is to support each other. We can take out time for our friends and family members. We can listen to them if they need to vent out about a bad day. We can be there for them and can listen to their problems. And this is why checking in is important. It is important to show the next person that they are not alone. And in times like these, you are there for them.
Now the question is how do we check in on our loved ones? I would say there is no specific way about how we should do that. It depends on your comfort level and it’s subjective how you want to talk to your loved ones. But there are certain basic steps which you can do to check in on your loved ones.
ASK! ASK! ASK!
If you are a text person, ask your loved ones how they are. If you are a call person you can call or can do a facetime, whatever that makes you feel closer to the next person. And following this, you can let them know that you are here to listen. Do not assume before listening to their heart. It really kills the other person’s energy. Tell them that you are their safe space and most importantly, show them.
Here is an example:
LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND THAN TO REACT
For most of us, this will be a very easy step to read but difficult when we are actually implementing. It’s a crucial step when we are checking on someone. Why do we check-in? It is because we want to understand how the other person is doing. So, listen to understand than to react. As sometimes it might possible that someone just wants to unburden their heart and not asking for any advice. So, it’s important to understand that people don’t need your advice every time. They just need an ear to listen. So, remember to listen to your friends, loved ones instead of jumping to advice-giving.
Here is an example:
In this, it’s also very important to understand that we do not always have expertise. Sometimes if your friend is telling you about their issue regarding anything and if you do not have knowledge about it, that is completely okay. What we can do in such a situation is to listen to them, listen to their issues. You can give them references where they can seek professional help.
VALIDATE THEIR FEELINGS
It’s very important to validate the feelings of another person whom we are checking on. But, what is ‘validating their feelings’ means? It simply means telling your loved ones that it is okay to feel in a particular way.
For example- if your friend tells you that she feels frustrated about something then in this case, instead of judging them how they should feel, just understand them and tell them that it is completely okay to feel that way.
SELF CARE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT
When we check in on our loved ones, I do understand it is exhausting work. It is exhausting to hear about the problems of the people you love. We all are humans and we can feel burdened and disturbed by this. So, in order to protect your own energy, it is also important to check in on ourselves which we call self-care as such.
Remember, you cannot solve every problem of your loved ones but you can take small steps. You can show them that they do matter and you care about them. So, call your friend, text them, shoot an email if you feel so. And you will see that it does make a difference!
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